WHY HER..?

I hate to visit hospitals.

I hate it more if I need to visit people in the hospital.

Cancer is getting more and more common and the chances of getting it are increasing as well.

My aunt got cancer a few years back.

Luckily she survived.

I thought I would never need to hear “ xx have cancer” anymore but I was wrong. So wrong.

I spent most of my time these days in Loh Guan Lye Hospital these few days.

I never ever thought it would be her this time.

Grandma.

Grandma is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

The most important part – She loves me a lot.

When I was young, she traveled back and forth from Penang to Ipoh weekly without complaining.

I am really happy when she arrived and cried badly when she left.

She has so much patience and I could not remember a single time she got angry.

I love staying with my grandparents so much I stayed in Penang every single school holidays.

From a child who still needs my parents to send me till I could travel alone.

Grandpa passed away when I was 16.

I even chose to study here in Penang rather than KL when I was given the choice.

I want to stay with grandma.

I am supposed to take care of the elderly but it ended up the opposite way.

I wonder if I am actually a burden to her.

She gives me plenty of pocket money because of she afraid if I do not have enough money for lunch.

She cooks for me even if she is tired.

She keeps reminding me to take my supplements.

I do not know how to put my words but she is just that angelic.

Why her..?

Recently, she loses her appetite.

She often feels bloated after her meal.

She dozes off while watching her favorite drama.

Two days ago, she said that she had black stools. We brought her to visit a doctor at a clinic nearby.

Unfortunately, she did not get any better and felt nauseous.

She hates to go to hospital usually but she willingly said okay when we suggested to bring her to the hospital.

She must have felt really sick.

Dad and mom rushed down from Ipoh.

They wanted to travel to Malacca at first.

When they reached, the first thing Grandma asked is “ have you guys eaten..?”

We never though things will be this serious.

We thought it would only be the stomach ulcer. Or maybe only I do.

The next day when the endoscopy result was out, I was shocked.

Why her..?

I could not believe my ears.

I feel sad like a lot of sadness.

You do not want to but acceptance is the only way out.

Mom decided to hide this news from grandma.

Grandma worries a lot. She worries about almost everything.

She worried about who is going to cook for me next week as I have my last 2 AS papers.

We wanted to let have a single room but she chose the cheapest one.

She worries about everyone accept herself. 

When I was alone with mom, she said that surprisingly I could face it.
Honestly, I wanted to cry. I want to cry so badly.
But this is not the time to cry. 
It does not help and no point making others sadder than they already are.

We are still waiting for a detail report about the stage of cancer.

We could not do much at the mean time.

There ain't a way for me to describe the helplessness.

I can only pray hard, hoping that she will need to face the least pain.

I wish and wish she can cure and attend my future graduation.

I wish and wish she will win the battle against this disease.