2020. 22.

2020. And I am turning 22 this year.
22 means a lot to me. It’s my lucky number.
It’s my birth date. When I got the number 22, I usually win the competition.
Hence, I really want to make this year meaningful. My 22 meaningful.
Moreover, it only happens once a lifetime.
ONCE.

 It’s already Febuary. And I still have not achieved much.
I just finished reading Daphne blog. Her blog is legit.
One sentence that she said relates so much to me.
I lost my drive and only do things that I needed to do.
Only get the my responsibilities done.
And that’s it. Nothing more than that.
I am basically working on autopilot.
I want to achieve more. I really want to.
But then there are too much going on and I need to really prioritize my well-being,
Regardless of mental or physical.

 I stop using Dayre after it turned into a subscription app.
I miss those days that I will do some self-reflection on Dayre.
I feel that I am slowly losing track of my life.
I do not remember what I have tried, done and accomplished.
 Then suddenly I remember I still have this blog.
And I found out I actually have a lot of drafts not published.
And I deleted some of them.
Keep only things that I feel that it is worth hogging my limited brain space.

  I have live two decades of my life.
How should I live a life and not surviving a life..?
 Wishing for the best 2020.
22.

Losing Dayre | Thanksgiving Night

This is my second month surviving without Dayre and omggg I miss it so muchhh!! It's like a safe space for me but I can no longer afford that space anymore 😭 

I stopped blogging ages ago after I found Dayre but I am back. It's kind of like a circle and in the end you still return to where you begin. 

I feel that I am losing track of my life for these two months. Many things happened but without Dayre I have no where to pen down and so here I am back in Blogger.

_______________________________________

I never celebrated Thanksgiving but this year I am going to celebrate with Enactus peeps!! 

Supposed to crop it to make it nicer but it's fine 😂😂😂 

    DINNERRRRR 🌈🌈🌈

FIRST YEAR

I have not been in this space for more than a year. Thanks to Dayre for providing a super 'instant' platform for me to record everything there.

I still could not believe I am technically done with my first year of degree (not officially done yet because results are still pending).  Time flies after you stepped into college. That's what mum said, and it's so true. I honestly feel like it was yesterday when I move into my hostel, but I vacant my room two days ago.

A summary about what my first year is all about:

1. Friends

They are my partners in crime throughout the year. Thank you so much for walking into my life.  I am still grateful for them even when there are occasions which we could not see eye to eye. 

Semester 1 (I am too lazy to edit the tilted pic)
Min Lin, Nicole, Shernie, Suzanne,Me,Jia Jing, Mindy

Semester 2

2. NDC

I will never be in a dance club if it is not because of Hew Cheng. Yes, I joined it because of her (the major reason). It turned out to be really worth it because I learnt a lot, in fact, I learnt the most in the dance club. From the bonding event to SAWG7, the journey was never easy. Nonetheless, I am pleased to meet a bunch of really great people.

SWAG:7

Bonding Event 2018

                             

With Covenant Dance Crew

3. Enactus

I spent a lot of my time in Enactus as well. Working with a good leader makes everything so much easier. I never thought I can work with plants but surprisingly I did it.  Most of the time it is about who you work with rather than what your work is. 

AGM 2019

With my team

It was indeed a tiring but fun year. There are people leaving temporary but at the same time, there are people walking in. I learnt a lot but at the same time lose something. I am trying my best to make my first-year count.

IT HAS BEEN TWO MONTHS

How are you, grandma..? It has been almost 2 months since you left. 

We all miss you a lot. 

" Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity." ---- Teri Guillemets

No matter how prepared you are, losing people you care still affects you.

[ Day to day update on Dayre ] 

   

I just hope she is doing well in somewhere better. I wish for no more. 

TURNING 19TEEN

As you can see from the title, this will be all about the post birthday celebration.

It sounds super scary (at least to me) that this will be my last "teen" birthday. I can't really believe it, I am so reluctant to grow up.

Sugar On Top @ Nagore (SOT)
 George Town, 21, Jalan Bawasah, George Town, 10050 George Town, Pulau Pinang, Malaysia

  

The real meaning of the word CELEBRATION can never be defined in a dictionary. It can only be understood and experienced. A big thank you for giving me such a good time and another memorable day. 

I still have a long road ahead of me, in which I hope to learn more and continuously develop myself as a better person.

WHY HER..?

I hate to visit hospitals.

I hate it more if I need to visit people in the hospital.

Cancer is getting more and more common and the chances of getting it are increasing as well.

My aunt got cancer a few years back.

Luckily she survived.

I thought I would never need to hear “ xx have cancer” anymore but I was wrong. So wrong.

I spent most of my time these days in Loh Guan Lye Hospital these few days.

I never ever thought it would be her this time.

Grandma.

Grandma is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

The most important part – She loves me a lot.

When I was young, she traveled back and forth from Penang to Ipoh weekly without complaining.

I am really happy when she arrived and cried badly when she left.

She has so much patience and I could not remember a single time she got angry.

I love staying with my grandparents so much I stayed in Penang every single school holidays.

From a child who still needs my parents to send me till I could travel alone.

Grandpa passed away when I was 16.

I even chose to study here in Penang rather than KL when I was given the choice.

I want to stay with grandma.

I am supposed to take care of the elderly but it ended up the opposite way.

I wonder if I am actually a burden to her.

She gives me plenty of pocket money because of she afraid if I do not have enough money for lunch.

She cooks for me even if she is tired.

She keeps reminding me to take my supplements.

I do not know how to put my words but she is just that angelic.

Why her..?

Recently, she loses her appetite.

She often feels bloated after her meal.

She dozes off while watching her favorite drama.

Two days ago, she said that she had black stools. We brought her to visit a doctor at a clinic nearby.

Unfortunately, she did not get any better and felt nauseous.

She hates to go to hospital usually but she willingly said okay when we suggested to bring her to the hospital.

She must have felt really sick.

Dad and mom rushed down from Ipoh.

They wanted to travel to Malacca at first.

When they reached, the first thing Grandma asked is “ have you guys eaten..?”

We never though things will be this serious.

We thought it would only be the stomach ulcer. Or maybe only I do.

The next day when the endoscopy result was out, I was shocked.

Why her..?

I could not believe my ears.

I feel sad like a lot of sadness.

You do not want to but acceptance is the only way out.

Mom decided to hide this news from grandma.

Grandma worries a lot. She worries about almost everything.

She worried about who is going to cook for me next week as I have my last 2 AS papers.

We wanted to let have a single room but she chose the cheapest one.

She worries about everyone accept herself. 

When I was alone with mom, she said that surprisingly I could face it.
Honestly, I wanted to cry. I want to cry so badly.
But this is not the time to cry. 
It does not help and no point making others sadder than they already are.

We are still waiting for a detail report about the stage of cancer.

We could not do much at the mean time.

There ain't a way for me to describe the helplessness.

I can only pray hard, hoping that she will need to face the least pain.

I wish and wish she can cure and attend my future graduation.

I wish and wish she will win the battle against this disease.

THERE'S NO PLANET B

I could not really remember when was the last time I was an organizing committee.

 Maybe the last time was during high school.

That's 2 years ago. 

Time flies.

We have this fund-raising event for 2 consecutive days in conjunction with Earth Hour 2017.

We decided to reuse the aluminum cans, glass bottles and drink cartons as 'pots' for the money plant and sell them.

Personally, I think it is not that bad, but you cannot expect to get fancy and flawless pots out of recyclable items right..? 

When I was preparing the proposal, the main aim is to create environmental awareness among the college community. 

During the event, I think almost all of us forgot about this fact. We focus solely on selling our handmade products. 

Money matters after all (which is a sad fact).

There is this trend I realized during the whole event. 

People can be really generous in donating but they refused to take a plant home.

Maybe they do not want to take care of the plant.

Maybe they think they were ugly.

Maybe they think they were trash.

Let's think on the bright side.

At least they did not take the plants and threw them in the rubbish bin.

I thought people nowadays love pets and I thought they will love plants as well. 

Maybe I was wrong all this while.

I just want to thank our advisors for giving us full support even when things were done last minute.

Next will be all the committees who put in effort in making the whole event a success.

Also Ms. Gan from the Student Service Department for being so nice and helpful and our Centre of Pre-U Studies admin for her support.

Last but not least those who donated during the event.

I am so used to work with only people from my high school so I actually had 'culture shock' this time.

But it's okay we are all in the process of learning.

This is my first time doing promoting work.

I had a lot of fun but I do not think I like being a promoter.

I need so much courage to talk to random people; some are nice, some are not. 

Even you are exhausted you still need to wear that smile especially people like me who have RBF.

This is my baby (:

Back to my normal life with endless studies.