FIRST YEAR

I have not been in this space for more than a year. Thanks to Dayre for providing a super 'instant' platform for me to record everything there.

I still could not believe I am technically done with my first year of degree (not officially done yet because results are still pending).  Time flies after you stepped into college. That's what mum said, and it's so true. I honestly feel like it was yesterday when I move into my hostel, but I vacant my room two days ago.

A summary about what my first year is all about:

1. Friends

They are my partners in crime throughout the year. Thank you so much for walking into my life.  I am still grateful for them even when there are occasions which we could not see eye to eye. 

Semester 1 (I am too lazy to edit the tilted pic)
Min Lin, Nicole, Shernie, Suzanne,Me,Jia Jing, Mindy

Semester 2

2. NDC

I will never be in a dance club if it is not because of Hew Cheng. Yes, I joined it because of her (the major reason). It turned out to be really worth it because I learnt a lot, in fact, I learnt the most in the dance club. From the bonding event to SAWG7, the journey was never easy. Nonetheless, I am pleased to meet a bunch of really great people.

SWAG:7

Bonding Event 2018

                             

With Covenant Dance Crew

3. Enactus

I spent a lot of my time in Enactus as well. Working with a good leader makes everything so much easier. I never thought I can work with plants but surprisingly I did it.  Most of the time it is about who you work with rather than what your work is. 

AGM 2019

With my team

It was indeed a tiring but fun year. There are people leaving temporary but at the same time, there are people walking in. I learnt a lot but at the same time lose something. I am trying my best to make my first-year count.

IT HAS BEEN TWO MONTHS

How are you, grandma..? It has been almost 2 months since you left. 

We all miss you a lot. 

" Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity." ---- Teri Guillemets

No matter how prepared you are, losing people you care still affects you.

[ Day to day update on Dayre ] 

   

I just hope she is doing well in somewhere better. I wish for no more. 

TURNING 19TEEN

As you can see from the title, this will be all about the post birthday celebration.

It sounds super scary (at least to me) that this will be my last "teen" birthday. I can't really believe it, I am so reluctant to grow up.

Sugar On Top @ Nagore (SOT)
 George Town, 21, Jalan Bawasah, George Town, 10050 George Town, Pulau Pinang, Malaysia

  

The real meaning of the word CELEBRATION can never be defined in a dictionary. It can only be understood and experienced. A big thank you for giving me such a good time and another memorable day. 

I still have a long road ahead of me, in which I hope to learn more and continuously develop myself as a better person.

WHY HER..?

I hate to visit hospitals.

I hate it more if I need to visit people in the hospital.

Cancer is getting more and more common and the chances of getting it are increasing as well.

My aunt got cancer a few years back.

Luckily she survived.

I thought I would never need to hear “ xx have cancer” anymore but I was wrong. So wrong.

I spent most of my time these days in Loh Guan Lye Hospital these few days.

I never ever thought it would be her this time.

Grandma.

Grandma is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

The most important part – She loves me a lot.

When I was young, she traveled back and forth from Penang to Ipoh weekly without complaining.

I am really happy when she arrived and cried badly when she left.

She has so much patience and I could not remember a single time she got angry.

I love staying with my grandparents so much I stayed in Penang every single school holidays.

From a child who still needs my parents to send me till I could travel alone.

Grandpa passed away when I was 16.

I even chose to study here in Penang rather than KL when I was given the choice.

I want to stay with grandma.

I am supposed to take care of the elderly but it ended up the opposite way.

I wonder if I am actually a burden to her.

She gives me plenty of pocket money because of she afraid if I do not have enough money for lunch.

She cooks for me even if she is tired.

She keeps reminding me to take my supplements.

I do not know how to put my words but she is just that angelic.

Why her..?

Recently, she loses her appetite.

She often feels bloated after her meal.

She dozes off while watching her favorite drama.

Two days ago, she said that she had black stools. We brought her to visit a doctor at a clinic nearby.

Unfortunately, she did not get any better and felt nauseous.

She hates to go to hospital usually but she willingly said okay when we suggested to bring her to the hospital.

She must have felt really sick.

Dad and mom rushed down from Ipoh.

They wanted to travel to Malacca at first.

When they reached, the first thing Grandma asked is “ have you guys eaten..?”

We never though things will be this serious.

We thought it would only be the stomach ulcer. Or maybe only I do.

The next day when the endoscopy result was out, I was shocked.

Why her..?

I could not believe my ears.

I feel sad like a lot of sadness.

You do not want to but acceptance is the only way out.

Mom decided to hide this news from grandma.

Grandma worries a lot. She worries about almost everything.

She worried about who is going to cook for me next week as I have my last 2 AS papers.

We wanted to let have a single room but she chose the cheapest one.

She worries about everyone accept herself. 

When I was alone with mom, she said that surprisingly I could face it.
Honestly, I wanted to cry. I want to cry so badly.
But this is not the time to cry. 
It does not help and no point making others sadder than they already are.

We are still waiting for a detail report about the stage of cancer.

We could not do much at the mean time.

There ain't a way for me to describe the helplessness.

I can only pray hard, hoping that she will need to face the least pain.

I wish and wish she can cure and attend my future graduation.

I wish and wish she will win the battle against this disease.

THERE'S NO PLANET B

I could not really remember when was the last time I was an organizing committee.

 Maybe the last time was during high school.

That's 2 years ago. 

Time flies.

We have this fund-raising event for 2 consecutive days in conjunction with Earth Hour 2017.

We decided to reuse the aluminum cans, glass bottles and drink cartons as 'pots' for the money plant and sell them.

Personally, I think it is not that bad, but you cannot expect to get fancy and flawless pots out of recyclable items right..? 

When I was preparing the proposal, the main aim is to create environmental awareness among the college community. 

During the event, I think almost all of us forgot about this fact. We focus solely on selling our handmade products. 

Money matters after all (which is a sad fact).

There is this trend I realized during the whole event. 

People can be really generous in donating but they refused to take a plant home.

Maybe they do not want to take care of the plant.

Maybe they think they were ugly.

Maybe they think they were trash.

Let's think on the bright side.

At least they did not take the plants and threw them in the rubbish bin.

I thought people nowadays love pets and I thought they will love plants as well. 

Maybe I was wrong all this while.

I just want to thank our advisors for giving us full support even when things were done last minute.

Next will be all the committees who put in effort in making the whole event a success.

Also Ms. Gan from the Student Service Department for being so nice and helpful and our Centre of Pre-U Studies admin for her support.

Last but not least those who donated during the event.

I am so used to work with only people from my high school so I actually had 'culture shock' this time.

But it's okay we are all in the process of learning.

This is my first time doing promoting work.

I had a lot of fun but I do not think I like being a promoter.

I need so much courage to talk to random people; some are nice, some are not. 

Even you are exhausted you still need to wear that smile especially people like me who have RBF.

This is my baby (:

Back to my normal life with endless studies.

LOSING A FREINDSHIP

Every time when people start telling me about their friendship problems, I feel so depress deep down.

Having a friend is supposed to be a blessing not a curse.

Having a friend is supposed to ease your life not making it harder.

I do not really know how to give good advice as I have not encounter any serious problem in a friendship.

I have a really good bunch of friends throughout my high school, supporting me through thick and thin.

Maybe I am too lucky that I was surrounded by amazing friends and I neglected my responsibilities. I did not really play my role well as a friend. Did I..?

I came to a new environment this June and have some new friends.

I thought I will be lucky again and I do.

I do meet great people.

But somehow...

I used to be really close with this girl.

We spent most of our time together in the college.

Everyone thought we have known each other for ages because we seems super close.

I treated her as my number one friend in college.

I knew she is secretive so I gave her spaces and do not talk much about her personal life.

She did not tell me much about her life either.

We usually talk about recent stuff and hardly about the past.

Here comes the plot twist.

She was missing from college for the whole week and I tried to contact her via social medias but to no avail.

Lecturers and course mates keep asking me about her action.

Each time I answered I do not know, I feel that my heart was slash by a knife again and again.

I know people will start to judge.

We thought you are her best friend..? How come you do not know where she is..?

What more can I say..?

I waited for her reply for the whole week and she just refused to reply.

I am sorry bothered you with our friendship.

After a week she appeared in college and sat at the back of the class.

Not a single word came out from her mouth.

And she left after half an hour.

And never appear till today.

Some of my course mates claimed that they saw her in college but she never attend any lecture.

She even ignored them who actually approached her.

What is she actually going through that make her change to a total different person.

This is worrying me so much.

That feeling when someone you used to be friend with turns into a total stranger.

That helplessness when you really hope to lend a hand but people just do not appreciate.

I wonder if she has any problem as she is acting really weird.

I have tried ways to reach out to her I do not want to seems clingy or annoying.

When you are sincere as a friend but people treat you like a trash.

But anyway I really thank you for being by my side when I need to get used to a new environment.

Maybe I am just so fail as a friend.

On the other hand, I actually start to see the true colour of certain people.

They acted as if they really care but I know they are just trying to dig some juicy gossips.

This make me feel so disgust.

Even though you guys only know each other for 4 months have some respect to others.

Care sincerely and not just because you want to show off that you are super 'informative'.

Stop being so busybody and mind your own business if you really do not give a fuck about people shine or rain.

Am I the one who take friendship too seriously..?

This is so tiring.

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CAMARDES DE CLASSE'16

I really do not know that saying goodbye can be this hard.

I know I am beyond lucky to get to know this bunch of people who makes me feel so hard to say goodbye.

They are like the best thing that happened to me in life.

I never knew that going to school can be so much fun and filled with laughter.

From Day 1, I start to have the doubt if I should really leave.

It's fate that made us classmates but I decided to go against faith.

I am the one who chose to stepped out comfort zone.

They are brilliant people who lit up my sixth form life.

I again wonder if I should stay.

How hard it is to get amazing classmates and looking forward to school everyday..?

They gave me a different perspective of school.

They make me see things so differently.

They taught me friendship cannot be measured by time.

Just one month but they make me love school more than ever.

First time watching horror movie in cinema, first time play bowling and first time hanging out till 11. 

All done with them within a month.

I am out of words to thank them.

Thanks for making leaving so hard for me.

Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone.

Time is ticking away and how much I wish I hadn't make the decision to leave.

But I do.

No matter how tough my future path will be you guys will always be in my mind.

Thanks for having me for a month L6B1'16.

Hope to see you guys again soon.

“True friends don’t say good-bye, they just take extended leaves of absences from each other.”